the year of the ox

Chinese astrological predictions for this year is good, with prosperity and positive strides in career and family life.

I make it a point to read these predictions annually, just a sample of what to expect in the coming year ahead, and which is summarized in one paragraph. If only life were that simple!

Maybe life is simple, maybe it's just me who makes it more complicated. Now if only I follow the golden rule and not be tempted to stray, if only I stay focus on what's important and not make it my business to interfere in someone else's web, it would be simple.

But, see, I like to fix whatever is missing or lacking somewhere ...... I like to interfere in matters that do not concern me ..... well I am helping aren't I?

Life is better for lots of people who have benefited from my "helping" .....

Now, comes the interesting part, I get stressed, depressed even, when I have over extended myself, just because I have allowed myself to fix to many situations, allowed myself to interfere everywhere and not allowed myself to fail. Failure is not an option .... just let the darkness creep in, take an asprin for the tension headaches, drink more coffee in the hope that it will relieve this "walking from room to room feeling empty" kind of day!

Let's make life simple and not be such a busybody ..... let's just mind my own business!!!!!!

stand up and shout

Sometimes I wish I had a confrontational attitude. A lot of stuff could be addressed, but, than again to what intent or purpose. The result would only be antagonism and resentment. And so I sigh, shrug my shoulders and acknowledge that it is out of my control.

But, how do you address concerns without having the other person shut you out. At times I have tried only to be cut off abruptly. It is their demons not mine, and yet there must be something I could do to shake them out of their rut, to make them realize that they could be so much more, that they have been allowed to slide from responsibilities for far too long.

It is not my battle, to be confrontational will only make matters worse when the person will not confront or acknowledge their own self destruction.

and I just sigh, what else is there to do!

I still remember .....

with each passing year and the shiftimg of time the memories still linger and will not fade..... once in a while faces in the crowd bears some resemblance to someone else you knew long ago, the mind registers a different scenario, another place, another time .......


words you hear in converstion, in a song .... words that supposedly "cannot harm me" draws me yet again to memories and I linger for a while ..... cherishing, wondering ......


where are you ..... do you still remember ......

are we just a conduit to support others along in their journey, just as they too help us in our evolution of self....

when not helping is helping!!!?

Is it healthy to allow someone who does not have the means to care for themselves to continue in their state of self neglect ..... what is the right thing to do ? Apart from listening, do you than just step aside and not do anything to help.

My friend is fiercely independent to the point of being obstinate. She will not accept any form of assistance, no amount of persuasion will melt her defense.

What do you do?

I pray for divine guidance in helpless situations as these. I pray for help, both for her and for me.

birthdays .... planes ...... and things

It's always a challenge with me to remember birth dates, when I remember the date I forget to send the card or to call. I have posted the dates on all my calendars and my numerous notebooks, let's hope this will keep me on track!!!!

Which brings me on to the topics of vacations and holidays and airline bookings, every year like clock work I would browse the numerous airline websites for the best deals and the off peak season and yet cannot pin point an appropriate departure date. Needless to say working in retail is one contributing factor to the failure to secure a date. I make mental notes to get out of the retail business, but, with the economic downturn, it's tough out there to get a job (sigh).

My wish is to spend Christmas back home in Malaysia, it will be six years that I have not been back in Malaysia for Christmas .....

Time will tell if I make it this year!

Distress signals

A friend called today to unload her story. My heart aches every time I hear how much she is made a victim. I think to myself another drama unfolding in her life, but, when I hear her cry and the depression deep in her inner being, an alarm sets off in the near region of my brain.

I shout advise ..... I scold ..... I cajole...... I do everything to try to fix the situation. I forget that she does not want me to fix her situation, she does not want me to advise .... all she needed was a friend. Someone to listen, to empathize without judgement. She needed to know there was someone out there who cared enough to just allow her to cry and to listen to her stories.

Needless to say we have been down this road a thousand times and yet I am still making mistakes and I am still learning. Perhaps it's me who needs to learn lessons from our interactions, from our relationship. I have to learn to keep quiet and just listen. Perhaps once I learn to stop giving advise and to stop trying to fix the problem, we will both travel a different route, one I hope where she will be happier and content and I will just be happy to hold her hand.

For now, I have to deal with my response and my behavior to her cry for help ..... I have to learn from my mistakes and try to heal my lack of understanding of the true meaning of being a friend ......... listen without judgement ...... listen without voicing out solutions ...... listen without condemning.

anticipate

2009 to be the best year yet ......

Another year is over

What have we learnt? Do we really move forward or do we repeat the cycle with different people ... different environment?

Searching .... always yearning .... pondering the emptiness we feel from time to time. What are we looking for, what is that one elusive missing piece?

We are the masters of our thoughts, we create our own happiness, if that is true than why is it so hard to school our thoughts, why is so difficult to be happy and remain in a happy place. Why are we still grasping ..... why are we still making resolutions for the next year.

We should be happy "now"!

The year began on a low note, a sad interlude with the passing of my mom. Than came the challenges, moments of despair but still, we remembered to laugh and to enjoy life.

We travelled, we took time to vacation and in the midst of all these we battled to fight the dark moments of pain.

Life is wonderful, we thank God for the beautiful displays of autumn, the picture perfect wonderland of the winter landscape, the night sky ... aah the night sky - (although we missed the shooting stars in the Geminids) - the awesome wonder of the vision of Venus and Jupiter and the Moon in such close proximity was a memorable sight to behold.

We are grateful to God for blessing us with friends and especially for family members. We are thankful for the jobs we still have, the food on our table and our home.

I am eternally thankful to God for my beloved Ken.