La Familia

 Redemption: we seek it, it eludes us, we chase it, we ignore it but most of all we need it. Without redemption we are just drifting in a fog, not able to move on, not able to live fully .... 

The gathering of the siblings, the Malacca clan will be making a trip to visit with our eldest brother, Charlie. Plans were made, plans were discarded, a new date chosen, the siblings who could make the trip ever changing, understandable due to work commitments and most of all because we are all fickle creatures.

Date arrives, notably the final head count and the actual siblings who made the gathering differed from the original list.

Why is everything so complicated? Why is my family so reluctant to forgive the past. Why are we not able to change for the better. Is it that we still harbor ill feelings toward each other. Are we not as charitable as we say we are. Why is it so difficult to cross the barrier that separates us, why are the obstacles that were seemingly set up when we were brought up in different camps still keeping us apart.

Five of us brought up by my godmother, five brought up by my parents and the youngest by a cousin.  There is a distinction between us, camp A, camp B and the youngest.

After all these times and all the water under the bridge, we still manage to feel offended by one another's attitude and mannerism. We are still not able to just accept each other as we are, there's expectations, we want them to behave in the manner we think is correct. They expect us to be more accepting of them without lording over them, whatever that mean!

When did all this begin, when will it stop?

We have been hurt by them taking advantage of our generosity, they have been angry at us not giving more to them, bleeding us dry time and time again.

There will not be a reconciliation, as long as there is no sincerity, as long as everyone is still uncharitable towards each other.

Our family will not heal, because the people who were able to bring about healing have already been buried.

We are the ones left and we can't seem to find common ground, just because all of us have diverse personalities.

Everyone makes choices, everyone has their own journey to travel. We cannot expect anything more than who we are. 

We accept it .... we move on .... my spirit is wounded ... I just pick myself up ..... I leave this place of so much disappointment and carry on with my dignity intact.

We honor who we are. No regrets.