It's still cold in the house on this day in May, it's almost end of May and the weather has not warmed up sufficiently.
The cold is a reflection of how I feel inside, with the news that my dearest baby, Hidayah will be moving far away from home to attend the University of Perlis for her undergraduate years. She has been accepted to the university to pursue her studies in Chemical Engineering. She will be away for five years. Five long years for her mother Siti, to long for her to come home, five long years before Siti is able to have her home to stay and not leave. Five long years for all the traveling that dear Siti will have to undertake just to go for a visit.
My heart goes out to Siti also, to have to bear the challenges on her own. What a heavy burden on her shoulders, she is a mother having to watch her eldest daughter leave home to travel twelve hours to a different state to further her studies. Commuting by bus on an ardours journey in pursuit of an education which will ensure a better future.
Her mother, Siti, such a brave woman, shouldering the responsibilities of bringing up two daughters without the assistance of a husband by her side. Siti's heart is breaking at having to part with her daughter. For now, Siti wishes that, she could hold back time and not allow for her child to grow up, she wishes that she could still hold the little girl in her arms forever and not have to face the day she has to bid her good bye. It will be a difficult parting for both mother and daughter. Tears will flow, hearts will break. I know their hearts will be able to bear the sorrow, I pray they will be able to face the days ahead with strength and with comfort. I pray for peace in their hearts.
I hear echoes of my baby Hidayah as she calls to me, auntie Barb, pergi mana? The look from soulful eyes that lets you know she is unhappy when you leave her after a visit, but no words are expressed, just those soulful eyes penetrating your heart and soul communicating the sadness and hurt at the parting.
Hidayah, has always been a girl who bears the weight of the world in her heart, not one to express her pain or displeasure. She bears everything quietly, deep in her heart. Her eyes mirror her pain, her sorrow and her eyes light up in joy. What a joy she is to me. I love her so much that it is difficult to think of her being on her own so far away from home.
My Hidayah, the light of my heart, my Hidayah the dearest daughter that I love so much, my Hidayah, whose heart still aches at the loss of her father, four years ago. My dearest Hidayah who has grown up into a nice young lady, so sweet, so gentle, so refine. Eighteen years old and having to face the world on her own with only her mother Siti by her side.
Eighteen years ago, Hidayah came into my world, I still remember the early morning hours when Irven arrived at my door steps and this little baby asleep in her mother's arms. She stayed until she was 6 months old before they moved back home. Six months, watching her sleep in her cradle with her arm up and her hands covering her years, six months watching her take a bath in the little tub, making sure she had the best milk to feed on, and over seeing the doctor visits.
Later on the family would visit and she would come running into the house, inspecting every room as if to claim ownership of the house. When taking a shower, she referred to the spray as. "mandi hujan", everything was new and exciting to her. Even at an early age, we knew she would be an intelligent girl, she would hold the newspaper at age one, and read it with baby sounds as if the baby language she uttered were the actual words written on the newspaper. She displayed such confidence and knowledge. Hidayah loved her visits to my home and it was always with sadness when the time came for the family to leave for home.
These days, she confides in me, her sadness, still, at the loss of her father, she confides her longing at wanting to embrace her ayah just one more time, wanting to hear his voice just one more time. I listen quietly, and I understand. No words can soothe a daughter's longing for her father. And so, I listen, with sadness and an aching heart.
Now, I just offer lots of advise for her to take care of herself. I remind her that she has to be careful with choices in friends. "Don't allow anybody to take advantage of you," Hidayah, I say. Stay in touch with your mak on a daily basis. Message me on occasions. Be safe.
My heart goes with you, my darling baby girl, my dearest Nor Hidayah Gomes bte Muhammad Taufik Irven George. Your ayah is so proud of you. Your ayah is looking out for you and he is by your side, also longing, that you can feel him as he embraces you.
God is with you. God protect you always from all harm.
I love you very much, my dearest baby girl.
